Just an update for those of you who look over my blog from time to time.


Okay, heres whats going down.
I wont be using spero blog any more.
I will instead be using my DirtyFreak account separate blog.
Granted, the name is a bit…. Yeah. But its not what you think hahaha.
I’m not a smut writer.


Boom! Pow!

I may not know much
about things read from books
I may not show much
in the category for looks
but when I find my mind is aching
and when I find my feet off the ground
When I feel the sky suddenly start shaking
Boom! Pow! I know about that.

I may not pay attention
to arithmetic and spoken word
I may not pay any mind
its all the silliest thing I’ve ever heard
but when my head screams, and my knees buckle
Boom! Pow! Such a feeling to make me chuckle.

I may pay no mind to Shakespearean lit.
But I’ve got ideas, and you seem to fit.
When I turn t’other cheek
You don’t see that smile, as it creeps.
But when my fists clench,  and I grind down my teeth
BOOM! POW! hahaha, you’ll be hurting for weeks.




I’ll bring you flowers
whenever we fight
Sing you a lullaby every night
We where brought together
to shelter each other under the weather
and baby, I know…


We’ll fall asleep
in each others arms
holding you close, protected from harm
we’ll wake up together
in love, we’re not under the weather.
So baby I know,
it really shows

someday, you’ll see

You’ll live together with me
and we’ll feel the sun on our finger tips
as we kiss each other on our sleepy morning lips
we’ll live together, by the sea
oh, baby, baby, its you and me.

baby I know
cause, honey it shows
its really really just
you and me.


You took off the mask
and breathe a new life in me
You too your hands across my face
took me away from the darkest place
you brought me back to life
bringing me back from the knife

You broke it with fists of more
You spoke it, with words of gore
you know it, wisdom left for more
you walked with me
my hand needn’t be held
walked me out from my own personal hell.

The water, The air…

I’ll be like the water,
I’ll be like the air.
You might as well pretend
I wasn’t even there.
I’m you’re friend, you see?

But you can’t even see me
I’m like air
I’m always there
You can easily breath me

I’m still your friend
so close yet so far away
I’m stuck here, until the very end
I’m just a call away, but here I’d stay
I’m still your friend.

I’ve been locked away for far too long
I’ve been locked away, for what I always did wrong.
I’m like the water, I am the air.
A cold breeze, that cannot compare.

Hold myself, in the darkest of nights
you’re voice resonates
“relax, please, it will all be alright.”
the stillness your voice impregnates.
I am the water
I am the air
I may be invisible
but I’ll always be there.

You are…

Tightly gripping
the monsters within
you’re easily snipping
where the strings of pain begin
You’re mine, forever sun
I’m yours until the end of time
the kiss from which its all begun
the hearts entwined since the birth of the sky

you’re the wings on my back
the streets in the city
I’m never turning back
to a love of suicidal pity
you’re the savior of my broken dreams
and the damsel to the invisible screams
I can hear you, I’m here
I’ll never let you be alone
I’ll never let you fall to fear
my heart will always be your home

Fantasy takes it over
in a field of four leaf clovers
you’re all the wish I need
and all I need to breath
you’re the cave in my mind
and the treasure I can’t wait to find
you’re the golden emerald, babe
my hearts gone crazy, I’m on the raid
I can’t imagine a world without your love
you bring me home and make me feel so sane
you are the hinges on which the door to opportunity is hung

You broke me from the pack
and tore me from the sins
you pulled me from the black
and I’m not going back again

your kisses fire bright
they travel down my spine
you’re somehow stopping time
I’m yours and you are mine
isn’t that enough for you, baby

You showed me confidence
and taught me competence
you kissed away the tears
and stole away the fears
I am no longer scared
for what I’m not prepared
you broke into my heart
and made your own space
and now my day will always start
the moment that I see your face.


“I need this…” I mutter, as I storm about my house, too small, all too small for as many people are in it but too big for me to be alone in. “please, god, just let it be here…” My steps get heavier, faster, my nimble fingers rummaging through every nook, every cranny in the house. “Please, god let there be something…” I give up. There’s nothing. My nerves are alive with stress. My hands are shaking. My feet are pounding. My head is racing. I can’t calm down.

“You’d never find anything, anyway. The house is out, remember? I say aloud.

“Of course, its never any hurt to just look…” I say, fidgeting again.

“you look pathetic” I say, only the truth, Dear, only the truth.

“aren’t you a big ball of daisies today?”

“No. I’m honest, look at you, rummaging through your families things, trying to find something that you know damn well isn’t going to be there for you.”

“I don’t know that, neither do you, now shut up and let me think!”
I begin to pace.

I shouldn’t be speaking to myself, the therapist said not to.
My feet are still pounding the ground in as I walk.
Nothing works, why doesn’t anything ever work out the way I’d planned it too…
My fingers rake through my tangled hair… I glance over at the kitchen knives…

“No way. NO. FUCKING. WAY, man. I am not going down that road again” I say aloud.

No answer.

I continue to stride around the house, my jeans floating around my all too thin ankles, smacking the skin, and placing a “fwoo” noise as they swing.
Oh, the glorious life– or lack thereof, of an inanimate object…

I can’t stop pacing.
I look over at the ash trays, no butts big enough to light.
Not wisely, at the very least.

I can’t stop shaking.
I’m not even sure why I’m so upset.

Damn it all to fucking shit…